Expectations run high in construction, and so clashes with the GC and other trades are inevitable. But fear not, for wit and wisdom are your secret weapons. From playful sports analogies to T-shirt-worthy quips, mastering the art of the comeback can turn tense moments into triumphs of communication.
Sure, good planning can help you avoid many conflicts. But it won’t eliminate all the colorful language directed toward you and your crews. When dealing with conflict-prone folks, you need some ready-made replies.
“There’s something really life-affirming about having something to say ready to go in your back pocket,” says Kerry McBroome, a Brooklyn psychologist quoted in a recent issue of Time.
Here are a few one- and two-liners I’ve gleaned from research and conversations with AWCI members. Modify them. Memorize them. Put them to work to stand your ground.
“Hey, flag on the play.”
Try this sports terminology when you need to tell someone their words are out of bounds. “It’s lighthearted,” says Ajita Robinson, a Bethesda, Md., therapist quoted in Time, “but sends a signal that the comment or interaction crossed a boundary.” Most people respond well, Robinson says.
“I’m sorry. Did I roll my eyes out loud?”
Say this out loud, or wear a T-shirt that features the slogan, which you can buy online. It’s like saying, “Ugh! You’re annoying,” but without the attitude. Your goal is to get them to change their tone, and “I’m sorry” is always a winner in doing that. The next line—”Did I roll my eyes out loud?”—should summon a smile from your antagonist. Perhaps wear the T-shirt regularly on the job.
“Let’s solve this together.”
Project management is not about ordering people around. Rather, it’s about collaborating over common goals like project completion, safety and productivity. Maybe construction leadership used to be about being tough, but today it’s about empathy. When someone is struggling, offer your hand. “This is a problem for us to solve together,” is how Kyle Yu, vice president at California Drywall, words it. Is someone creating conflict on the job? Remind them you’re on the same team. The key word is “together.”
“It took guts to put that on the table. I respect that.”
This approach takes conflict head on with validation. You respect the challenging person before you. You recognize that diverse viewpoints are valuable, and you acknowledge your opponent has value. The dynamic of the conflict, thus, shifts toward the positive—to the ideas being discussed, rather than the personalities at odds. Everybody responds well to R.E.S.P.E.C.T. The tone of the conversation will improve.
Listen, and Stay Calm
In the end, good comebacks are just a start to de-escalating conflicts. Here are some key principles to apply: (1) Address issues promptly to prevent escalation. (2) Try to understand the other party’s perspective. (3) Focus on active listening; be open to conversation. (4) Maintain a calm demeanor.
After resolving one problem, don’t stop there. Take proactive steps to prevent future hiccups on the job. Whether it’s revolutionizing how you track projects or ensuring that your field crews have the communication tools—and authority—they need to thrive, provide some training to keep challenges at bay.
Unresolved conflict leads to less creativity and productivity and can stymie a good thing going. So, develop skills to de-escalate conflicts. Have a few one-liners ready to go.
What are your favorite comebacks? Please send them to me, and I will publish them in a future column.
